Tinder is a mobile matchmaking app. It uses GPS and users’ Facebook profiles to match single people in a given area (you can choose a radius from 1 to 50 miles away). Upon viewing a profile, a user can either swipe right (accept) or left (reject). If the “accept” is mutual, you have a new “match” and can message one another.
It’s superficial, narcissistic, and delightfully entertaining.
And , as with everything else to do with dating, it does draw certain types. Over and over again. Particularly around here. So I give you this guide to a few unique species of gentlemen found within the New Orleans Tinder Radius.
Tagline: 6’4. I’m on a boat! And yes, I did catch that fish.
What it means: He wants you to know how tall he is. He may be overcompensating.
Pros: Chances are he knows how to cook and will offer to make you freshly caught fish.
Cons: He may smell like fish.
Where to meet him: On his yacht. The one in all his pictures. If he doesn’t actually have a yacht, don’t bother. There are many other fish-boys in the Tinder sea.
Tagline: In town for the weekend for a bachelor party looking for someone to show me a good time!
What it means: If you’re heading down Bourbon looking for a one-night-stand, I can be that guy for you.
Pros: He’ll definitely be gone by Monday morning.
Cons: He’ll definitely be gone by Monday morning.
Where to meet him: The piano bar at Pat O’s or Harrahs.
Tagline: Outdoors. Hunting. Drinking. Repeat.
What it means: I am a good ol’ boy.
Pros: If you’re into game-y meats, guns, and camo, he’s your man.
Cons: Dead animals hanging on the walls of his apartment; absent most weekends during hunting season.
Where to meet him: Cochon Butcher, Company Burger, the Joint, Dat Dog. Just sayin, this guy isn’t going anywhere with the word “vegan” on the menu.
Tagline: I’ll tell mom we met at the library.
What it means: Despite my declared age of 24, I am actually 18 and live with my mother who will ask where we met when I break curfew to go out with you.
Pros: This guy will message you if you swipe right. Probably right away.
Cons: He will send you pictures of his abs and you will eventually block him.
Where to meet him: Somewhere that doesn’t card.
Tagline: Actor, Writer, Filmmaker, Poet, etc. in town for work. [Insert pretentious quote here].
What it means: Although his profile is a string of headshots and angst-prone professional photos, he is not A-list. Or even B-list. He may be an extra in that little indie film you’ll never hear about again.
Pros: He’ll make you feel hip.
Cons: You’ll have to ask yourself: “Homeless or hipster?” when you meet him for the first time.
Where to meet him: You’ve probably never heard of it; it’s a pretty obscure place.