Feathers have been flying ever since The Times-Picayune ran a front-page story about the city’s feral chickens. At least three chickens have since started Twitter followings, with posts that border on what 7thwardrooster recently tweeted as “Beau-coop inappropriate.”
Speaking of which, NolaVie contributor Ned Cheever scratched out this story about a response to the wild chicken problem. It is written in homage to Jonathan Swift and all things Gullible, er, Gulliver.
‘Adopt a Feral Chicken Program’ Kicks Off
Give a vagabond chicken a chance to proudly re-enter society. The exploding population of feral chickens pressures neighborhoods to seek benevolent means to house the homeless birds and prepare them for a path to fulfillment of their ultimate communal contribution.
With a monthly gift of less than 34 cents a day, you can give a displaced chicken a home. That’s only $10 a month! By sponsoring one of these wandering waifs, you will receive a photo of the erstwhile coop-less critter and a list of the many benefits that your adoptee will enjoy as a result of your charitable generosity.
We’ll keep you informed. Each month an email update will be sent to you tracking the progress of your sponsored chick. Once the fowl is fattened to a fashionable level of obesity , your re-domesticated darling will either advance to Olive Oyl’s Receiving Center (see related article), or matriculate to the Gallic Gladiators bayou country training camp for athletic career development.
Make checks payable to the Gallus Ferus Foundation.
Olive Oyl’s Organic Chicken to Open in 7th Ward
Serving only the finest in free-range fowl, Olive Oyl’s provides a true New Orleans venue for your dining enjoyment. Listen to bayou tunes while savoring the succulent fare, naturally spiced just right! Oo-wee! This yard bird is some good!
Disclaimer: The above article is meant as satire. We at NolaVie couldn’t resist winging in on a plucky subject.
Ned Cheever contributes essays about New Orleans to NolaVie. He lives in Texas, but you can’t hold it against him, since his heart belongs to the Crescent City.