Once French Quarter Fest hits, so too does tourist fest. For the next couple months, curious, out-of-town souls will trek the cityscape. NolaVie recently ran a list of comments you’d never hear a true New Orleanian say. But what about the foreigners? What would you see a NOLA out-of-towner do?
Don’t get me wrong — we love having them here. However, as much as out-of-towners may enjoy brunching Elizabeth’s, boozing at Cooter’s and baring it all at the Country Club, if you’re a local, you can always spot ’em.
You know you’ve spotted a New Orleans tourist when:
Subject doesn’t realize that NOLA “1 o’clock” actually translates to “when I feel like showing up o’clock.”
Subject hops on horse and carriage. Asks for route map.
Subject’s dress facilitates amoeba functions.
Those functions are tie-dyed.
Subject’s drinks resemble a bag of Skittles.
Selfies at the French Market.
Selfies at Jackson Square.
Subject substitutes a fish bowl for a go-cup.
Subject needs a sign that reads “big ass beers” to affirm that its beer is, in fact, big.
One word: Ponchos.
Subject reenacts Noah’s Arc via segway.
Or pedicab caravan.
Subject cannot handle day drinking. Not. At. All.