So how about that Karen? While the full damage report from the storm is still out (those fallen branches don’t count themselves), here is a list of ten major Karen-related incidences.
1. A prestigious garden gnome of Audubon Place was violently knocked, face first, into the rocky turf of a hydrangea bed. He is still in critical condition. There is no word yet on the state of the said hydrangeas.
2. A mighty drop of sitting rain water fell from the Cafe Du Monde awning, soiling a youngster’s first beignet. She hasn’t been the same since.
3. A husband cancelled his patio dinner reservations at Bayona without consulting his wife. It was their anniversary. He now resides on the couch.
4. A woman leaving an unnamed salon was blitzed by a sudden drizzle. All she wanted was curls.
5. A young boy failed to bring his bicycle in the garage Saturday night, despite six to eight warnings (reports vary) from his mother. The bike is rumored to now suffer from mild rust damage. Neither the boy nor the mother have released official statements.
6. A Northern tour group — marked by their school bus-yellow ponchos, safety whistles, and inflatable life vests — voluntarily evacuated their table in the Pat O’Briens courtyard. They remained in refuge 17.6 minutes. At a table inside Pat O’Briens.
7. Sixty minutes later, this same ‘poncho group’ recycled, reused, and reduced by employing their ponchos to combat the Hurricanes they should have been concerned about.
8. A moderate to severe poncho shortage now plagues the CBD and French Quarter trinket shops. The said ‘poncho group’ is rumored to be responsible for 78% of the shortage.
9. A group of college-aged kids was spotted loitering outside f&m’s patio bar early Sunday morning. They were disrupting the neighborhood. And inebriated. And loud. And it was raining.
10. A newspaper boy forgot to encase an entire block’s Sunday papers in rain bags. Crawfish season is over, so nobody cared.
Chelsea Lee is assistant editor of NolaVie. Email comments to her at email@example.com.