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Crescent City (Mis)Connection: Girl code for NOLA single women

Girl code: (n.) 1. a set of understood guidelines that girls must abide by or else suffer consequences, such as exile or a lifetime of torture from vengeful girls; 2. never EVER, under any circumstances, date a friend’s ex-boyfriend.

In a city as small and incestuous as New Orleans, the lines of girl code are blurred and the rules are so ambiguous it might as well be morse code. While the whole concept of girl code is debatable, what’s constant is that someone is always bound to get hurt in the end when the rules are broken. Some level of respect and understanding of the consequences must always be considered before delving into anything that may violate this code among girls, but there has to be a point when it is acceptable to cross that line.

Let’s face it, we live in a city where everyone knows everyone. With barely even one degree separating you from another, it’s nearly impossible to meet anyone new. So, what happens when you’re at an age when all your friends are getting married, and you are left to choose from your best friend’s hand-me-downs, the guy from who sends you inappropriate messages, or Ronnie from the Gonzales?

Clearly, I’m a huge fan of lists. So I’ve made my own set of NOLA Girl Code rules and exceptions. Commandments, if you will. Please review…

Girl Code according to Moi 🙂

Rule #1.

Thou shall not pursue a boy whom your friend hath interest in/is talking to.

Even more dangerous than the single men out there may be other single girls. Once a mutual interest has been established between your friend and a new guy, don’t encroach. Have some respect, because if anyone understands how turbulent the dating scene in New Orleans can be, it’s your fellow single girl.

Also, always make sure that your interest in a new crush is made clear, because you can never underestimate how competitive a girl can really be (even if it’s your best friend).

Rule #2.

Thou shall not date a friend’s ex.

For various reasons, it’s always hard to see an ex happy with someone else, especially if it’s with an acquaintance. However, is it really fair to claim someone forever? Perhaps in any other city, where living in a different neighborhood as they do may be far enough away to never see them again, but not here. It’s hard enough to go 24 hours without an awkward run-in so, at some point, one has to get over it and exceptions need to be made.

Rule #3.


It’s been 5 + years since the relationship. If it happened in college, chances are it didn’t count or no one remembers it (i.e. the ex-boyfriend is free from un-dateable purgatory).

The relationship and break-up happened before the girl friendship was established. Only those who were present at the time of the relationship and whatever disaster ensued from it are held accountable. Therefore, the rules don’t apply to those who did not witness said destruction.

There is acceptance and understanding. In some friendships, there is enough respect and consideration that both parties are accepting of the new found best friend/ex relationship, regardless of how much time has gone by.

Friend is in a committed relationship… and on the road to marriage, while her ex just needs a new shoulder to cry on.

Your fate is doomed. Once the only other alternatives are to date Ronnie from the Gonzales or your cat, then all your friend’s ex-boyfriends are immune to the restrains of girl code.

Rule #4.

Chocolate is always an acceptable food group. No judgement.

While most may disagree with my definition of girl code, we can all recognize that these rules originally were established to create unity and respect among girl friendships. In the end, it all really comes down to one thing: We always want what’s best for the people we care about, and we shouldn’t need rules to dictate what that means.

So if a situation emerges where your ex has the hots for your bestie, why not embrace it? After all, you do have great taste in friends and men, so a merge between some of the most important people in your life should be noted as flattery.

Pookie Lola writes Crescent City (Mis)Connections weekly for NolaVie.


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